New York Daily News - The Biggest Newser

A 'Bitter' temptation »

By Sports Editor

It’s only Week One and the Biggest Newser competition has already gotten pretty ugly. I was stunned to see Bill Price walk into the office this week with a carton full of Girl Scout cookies, which was a little like walking into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with a case of beer and a bottle of Jack Daniels. I was proud to see most of the guys scatter like cockroaches, but I was deeply disappointed in Bitter Bill. That kind of cutthroat, unethical behavior shouldn’t be tolerated in a friendly competition between friends and co-workers, and besides, I was going to try that in Week Three.

Chucky Cheese Gardella has been anointed the front-runner and it has completely twisted his personality. Gardella is one of a kind. He can quote Goethe one minute and rattle off a ditty from “The Simpsons” the next. (“We are the mediocre presidents/You won’t find our faces on dollars or on cents.”) He has a real misanthropic side, especially when it comes to people he deems too pretty, too rich, too stupid and too self-important. Gardella loathes Alex Rodriguez and thinks anybody named Kardashian or Lohan should just go away. But one workout with Brian McNamee and he already thinks he’s the leading candidate for the Cy Young Award. He’s spent the past few days talking about lunges and squats and his biceps and quads. He’s become everything he used to hate.

The guy who worries me most is Rock Star Sweeney, primarily because the oddsmakers overlooked him. That was an understandable move on their part - the dude once had a California roll stuck in his beard for an entire shift - but appearances can be deceiving. Sweeney is highly motivated and it’s already obvious that he’s dropped a few pounds. He’s going to be tough.

But I’ve got a secret weapon. A day or two after the Biggest Newser kicked off, we were contacted by a personal trainer named Becky Wenner who offered to whip one of us ink-stained slobs into shape. Becky has agreed to work with me, and our first session is scheduled for Friday morning, weather permitting. I like her enthusiasm and her competitive spirit. She’s not only a trainer, she’s also a lawyer, so any more cracks about me from Price or Sweeney will immediately be met with a defamation lawsuit.

I’ve already tried an MP3 workout Becky sent me and it kicked my butt. I’m sore, and I don’t think I will be able to walk tomorrow. But with Becky in my corner, I’m either going to win this thing or die trying. Here’s the link to her Web site.

Becky also turned me on to a site called SparkPeople.com that features an electronic food journal that provides a lot of information about your diet. It’s a cool resource and it has become my latest Web addiction. But don’t tell Gardella about it. He’s already insufferably smug.

- By Michael O’Keeffe

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